Regrets
by WhalesEverywhere
Summary: Romano felt rejected and unloved after misunderstanding Spain's intentions. When he finally found out the truth, it is already too late.. Could he be the reason Spain lost the war? ONE-SHOT! Chibi!RomanoxSpain. NOT SHOTA!


Meow...Enjoy^^ Hopefully it's as emotional as I hope it is^^ It's probably not historically correct so yea, don't mind!

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"Romano!" The man shouted, chasing after me. "Stop!"

I forced my short legs to move on faster as my breathing quickened and my body shook. I could feel him chasing me. I could hear his breath as he panted tiredly. A hand reached out to grab mine, pushing itself as I raced to go against it.

"Roma!" His voice called out after me.

"No." I panted, feeling the cold, slick trickle of tears rolling down my cheeks. "No! GET AWAY FROM ME!"

_Why is he chasing me? Why can't he just leave me alone?_ His pace quickened, gaining on me. My legs burned, my chest tightened painfully, my breathing heavy and ragged. I could hear one quick step before something grabbed onto my wrist, twisting me around painfully. Suddenly, it feels as though I'm floating, my legs seemingly felt limp, my vision swirled about in slow-motion from the floor, up the man's legs and onto the ceiling, and finally it came crashing back onto the cold hard ground.

"Romano!" He shouted out once more, his voice shaking ever so slightly.

_Am I going to die? No, I don't deserve such luck._ _Why must_ _I be born a nation? If nobody loves me, nobody wants me, why am I still here? __If I close my eyes, will they ever open again? I feel tired. I could feel myself taking a deep breath, the air causing the faint rise of my chest. I guess I'm still breathing, so I'm still alive. _I tried closing my eyes only to realize that they already were.

"Romano, wake up Romano." His voice called out to me.

I could feel my body being raised off the floor and onto more comfortable grounds, my cheeks resting on something warm. _What is this? Am I on a bed? No. Am I on the fields? No. Whatever it is, I felt like I could stay here like this forever, the warmth encasing my whole body. I shouldn't. I don't deserve this. I've got to wake up... I've got to wake up!_

_..._

My eyes shot open, the air rushing into my lungs causing me to erupt into a coughing fit. My hands held fisted on some soft fabric. Antonio. His gaze looked over me worriedly, eyeing me for bruises.

_He wants me only for my grandfather's inheritance._

Clenching my teeth, I pushed him away as hard as I can. _I don't need you. You're just pretending to want me, and after you get what you want, you'll just push me aside like the rest of them._

"Why don't you like me?" He questioned, casting his worries aside.

_I stared at him, a small frown crossing my lips._ "After I took care of you for so long, you're still so cold towards me."

"Did I do something wrong?" _Silence, I would rather not answer for he might trick me once more._ "Romano?"

I tried to stand, but my legs gave off below me. It's aching like mad. My muscles tightened all of a sudden, a sharp pain twisted around my calves. Shit, it hurts. I grabbed my calves, hoping to stop the pain, tears pooling in my eyes once more. "Romano? What's wrong?" He reached out to touch me, and without fully realizing it, I had harshly slapped it away.

_Whenever I fell down or hurt myself, he would cradle me in his arms chanting some stupid charm that he said would "cheer me up". I felt so loved then, as though nothing could harm me ever again. All the harsh criticisms and insults people threw at me seemingly disappeared. I thought that finally, someone who loves me, someone who cares about me... Until the moment I heard his request to trade me in for Veneziano. Does he know how hurt I felt? His smiles, his laughter, his hugs, and his kisses that I thought were just for me, turned out to be lies. They're all lies. He's just like everyone else. He only wants my brother. My stupid, perfect, and lovable younger brother. _

He stared at me then, his eyes a whirlpool of different emotions. Is he angry? Or is he sad? Maybe annoyed?

"Why won't you tell me anything?" He growled with a voice harsh and cold. He's angry. He's lips turned into a nasty snarl. _Is he going to hit me?_ I pulled myself away, eyes looking at the floor just waiting for the quick blow.

"Why won't you tell me what's wrong? You complain about everything. You voice out your opinions for even the smallest of things." His voice quivered, the venom in his words melted into sadness. "But you never voice out things about yourself. You cry only to yourself during the nights, holding it all inside and you appear in the mornings with red puffy eyes. Do you think that I could just stand by and watch you cry like that?"

_It confuses me then. I don't get what he's telling me. Is he angry or is he sad? Does he hate me or does he care? Should I trust him... or should I not?_

"Romano. Look at me when I'm talking to you." His rough, calloused hand grabbed onto my chin and gently forced me to gaze into his eyes. _Why is he crying?_

"Romano." He bit his bottom lip. "Do you hate me?"

I frowned._ Hate him? Yes, I always did... right? He's just like everyone else, right? So, I should hate him! Yes, I should...,_ "Yes."

The Spaniard pulled away his hand, a corner of his lips drifter upwards into a smirk. "Tsk, I've known that for so long. What the heck am I crying about now?" He voiced, forcing out a grin. It seemed so different than the usual ones he shows. It doesn't fit him at all. His hand slowly drifted upwards and suddenly hit himself painfully on the forehead.

His emerald eyes shaking with hurt, his lips forming such a pained smile and his arms slumped down next to him. Lifeless. The cheery man I once knew seemed so unrealistically lifeless. _Is this because of me? Did I do this to the man? Why is he like this? Isn't he happy to know that I hate him as well? Wouldn't this make it easier for him to trade me off with Veneziano? Why isn't he smiling like always? Why is he making such a weird smile? I don't want to see it. Not on him..._

"Romano." He stared at me, eyes red from the crying. "I'm sorry for hurting you for so long. I knew you don't like me, but, I thought that would've change."

He sobbed, his eyes cast downwards. "You were so different from many of the other colonies I had. You looked so small and frail when I first saw you. It made me want to protect you. So..., when I got you, I was so happy..., but everything turned out too different. Instead of protecting you like I wanted to, you seemed even more pained every single day. Your scowls grew deeper. Your eyes showed so much hurt that I..., I thought, that I probably hadn't loved you enough but the more I shower you with love, the further away you become."

_I quivered at his words. No. This isn't supposed to be like this! He's supposed to hate me! To hit me! To curse at me and beat me!_ "Seeing how Veneziano seems so happy at Austria's house, I thought that maybe Austria will be able to take care of you better but he refused. You seemed so far away after that day, I wondered if you had heard me and had misunderstood me. You refused to talk. You refused to eat whenever I'm around. You refused to even look at me."

_He thought that...? No. That's not true... is it? He's not supposed to be this way. Why is he saying all this?_ I could feel the hot tears pouring down my already stained cheeks.

"I know I didn't take care of you properly. I'm not home half the time. No wonder you hate me. I always ended up hurt and you had to look after me. I'm probably the worst boss there is out there." He grew silent. "But..., I still want to protect you. Even now."

"Sir, we're already set to leave." A soldier appeared behind him, standing in salute.

Taking a deep breath, he nodded his head and gestured the man away. Hearing the footsteps grow silent behind him, he wiped away the tears with the sleeves of his black shirt, staining it into a darker shade.

"I should get going." He muttered as he stood, his red coat swaying lightly and fell limply onto his back. He walked back towards the place where his hat fell off and grabbed it with a tight smile. He's going to war. "Goodbye Romano."

"No," I mouthed.

_Don't go. Don't leave me alone. Please... I'm sorry! I don't hate you anymore. I don't want you to go! Please don't leave with such a pained look on your face. Why isn't any words coming out? Why can't I stop him? Why am I letting him leave like that? Speak! SPEAK YOU IDIOT!_

"Please don't go." I shouted... but he already too far off into the distance. His shoulders are slouched pathetically when it should be straight, his head cast downwards when it should be held up high and proud... He looks so small, so hurt. He'll never win the war like that...

He's about to go to a war that he will surely lose. "SPAIN!"

...

_**"Off the coast of Gravelines, France, Spain's so-called "Invincible Armada" is defeated by an English naval force under the command of Lord Charles Howard and Sir Francis Drake. After eight hours of furious fighting, a change in wind direction prompted the Spanish to break off from the battle and retreat toward the North Sea. Its hopes of invasion crushed, the remnants of the Spanish Armada began a long and difficult journey back to Spain."**_

_ I'm the reason he lost..._

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Well... That seemed deep. Teehee... Does it make sense? I wonder if I placed to many questions. I mean, if I was placed in his situation, my mind would be brimming with why's and what's and how's...^^ Oh well, all that matters is that you guys liked it^^ Please review~ I wanna know how you guys think about it! Is it confusing? Or is it saddeing? Or if it even amusing to you? I wanna know~ so yea.. PLEASE REVIEW. BYE BYE

psst... I don't own Hetalia^^

CREDITS (Search on google if you're curious): /this-day-in-history/spanish-armada-defeated


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